Murphy's laws -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong (basic principle).
* Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
* Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
* When things are going well, something will go wrong.
* When things just can't get any worse, they will.
* If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
* If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
* Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
* It is far better to do nothing that to do something efficiently.

Corollaries of Murphy's law

* The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
* Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
* Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
* The other line always moves faster.
* Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
* In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. But you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
* You can always find what you're not looking for.
* Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
* Key ring - a device for losing all your keys at once.
* Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirt, and the pig likes it.
* If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
* The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
* The wrong telephone numbers are never busy.
* When it rains, it pours.
* If it's useful, it's ugly.
* Instead of groaning when you've found a stone in your lentils, ask yourself whether you still have the same number of teeth.
* Anything that begins well ends poorly. Anything that begins poorly ends worse.
* Smile... tomorrow will be worse.
* Murphy was an optimist.
* Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.
* You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
*

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Paradoxes

* All general statements are false. (Think about it)
* The chief cause of problems is solutions.
* There are some things which are impossible to know - but it is impossible to know these things.
* Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
* If Murphy's law can go wrong, it will.
* I know for certain that there is no such thing as absolute truth.
* Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours.
* There are two classes of people : those who divide people into two classes, and those who don't.
* There are THREE kinds of people in the world : those who can count and those who can't.
* This space intentionally left blank.
* Murphy's law is unique in physics in that it is the only law to prove and disprove itself.
* Buttered toast always falls buttered side down, by Murphy's; but test it by dropping toast and it will land buttered side up, by Murphy's, thus disproving Murphy's by Murphy's.
* From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
* The idea of good investing is to identify the trend whose premise is false (George Soros).
* The Liar's Paradox : "This statement is false."
* Murphy's law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name.
* You can't fall off the floor (it takes children three years to learn this law).
* Things go right so they can go wrong.
* If something could have gone wrong, but didn't go wrong, then it would have been beneficial for it to have gone wrong.
* I could put a quote here, but someone would just steal it.
* Life is too important to be taken seriously. (Oscar Wilde)
* Moderation in all things, including moderation.
* The supreme paradox of though is the attempt to discover something that thought cannot think! (Kierkegaard)
* I am a solipsist, and I am surprised that there are no others.
* Thorns have roses.
* Be inconsistent -- but don't do it all the time.
*

Non-text portions of this message have been removed.
*

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Philosophy and life

* In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
* The idea is to die young as late as possible.
* There are no winners in life: only survivors.
* Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
* Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps...
* "Reality is just a collective hunch." (Lily Tomlin)
* The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
* Only four things in life are certain:

          1. Death
          2. Taxes
          3. IBM will dominate in mainframes
          4. IBM will once again jack up software prices.

* God is dead, Marx is dead and I don't feel so good myself...
* Not one shred of evidence exists to prove the idea that life is serious.
* Despite all the evidence to the contrary, there are really only two forces at work in the universe : magic and bullshit.
* Entropy isn't what it used to be.
* Life is what happens while you're busy making plans.
* History is a language in which the dead speak to the deaf.
* You will surely end up in the direction in which you are headed.
* Life's a bastard... and then you die.
* Life is half spent before we know what it is.
* The day that you die will be like any other day, only shorter.
* Evolution doesn't take prisoners.
* There's no such thing as bad weather, only wrong clothing (old English saying).
* When things can't go on, they have a tendency to stop.
* The proof of the pudding is the pudding.
* Reasonable men adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable men adapt the world to themselves. That's why all progress depends on unreasonable men. (George Bernard Shaw)
* Every person takes the limits for their own field of vision for the limits of the world. (Schopenhauer)
* When you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.
* Whom the Gods would destroy - they first drive crazy. (the Greeks)
* Black holes are where God divided by zero.
* That which does not kill me, makes me stronger. (Nietzsche)
* Anything that sounds too good to be true, probably is.
* Never fly the 'A' model of anything.
* Keep thy airspeed up, lest the earth come from below and smite thee.
* Basic Flying Rules: 1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. 2. Do not go near the edges of it. 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
* Another Flying Rule: Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.
* Seeking meaning of life; please place an offer.
* Law of the Jungle: He who hesitates is lunch.
* Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down a little bit.
* There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* All thinking is "thinging".
* Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
* One sentence that will fit all situations : "This too shall pass."
* Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. (Albert Einstein)
*

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Work and management

* In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there (Peter).
* The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management (Dilbert Principle).
* In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
* The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
* People are promoted not by what they can do, but what people think they can do.
* Managers worry that people who get specialized training may leave. They should be worried that people who don't get specialized training may stay...
* The first 80 percent of the task takes 20 percent of the time, the last 20 percent takes the other 80 percent.
* The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
* There are three ways to get things done :

  - do it yourself
  - hire someone to do it or
  - forbid your kids to do it.

* The six steps of program management are:

  1. wild enthusiasm
  2. disenchantment
  3. total confusion
  4. search for the guilty
  5. punishment of the innocent
  6. promotion of the non-participants.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* It's great to do nothing, and then rest afterwards.
* Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
* A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
* Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
* Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
* The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
* The more people you add to an already late project, the later the project will be (Brooks' Law).
* I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
* A leisure class exists at both ends of the economic spectrum.
* Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work (Thomas Edison).
* Nobody is so busy as the one who has nothing to do.
* A ship in harbour is safe. But that's not what a ship is for.
* You can't trust a dog to watch your food.
* Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground.
* Lead, follow, or get run over.
* Nobody is completely useless, one can always serve as a bad example!
* My job is so secret that I don't even know what I'm doing.
* The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
* Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled by misfits.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* Teamwork is essential: it allows you to blame someone else.
* People are always available for work in the past tense.
* No boss will keep an employee who is right all of the time.
* The less work an organization produces, the more frequently it reorganizes.
* You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge.
* The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
*

Nobody has ever done this before, that's why it's going to work.
*

If you can’t afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can afford to do it wrong.

Computing

The Twelve Networking Truths are Murphy-ist truisms !
* There is always one more bug.
* Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
* If a program is useful, it will be changed.
* If a program is useless, it will be documented.
* Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
* Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
* Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
* Program design philosophy: start at the beginning and continue until the end, then stop. (Lewis Carroll)
* Never say "oops" after you have submitted a job.
* To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
* People who write subsystems usually use four letter words.
* The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.
* Not only is UNIX dead, but it's starting to smell really bad.
* Garbage in, garbage out.
* Don't anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.
* If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
* Definition of an upgrade: take old bugs out, put new ones in.
* Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
* Any technology which is distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
* If we built houses the way we build software, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
* The code you do not write does not have any bugs.
* alpha version: greek for doesn't work.
* beta version: greek for still doesn't work...
* Programmers are busy writing the next best idiot proof software. The universe, in the meantime, is busy making the next best idiot.
* Parity? We don't need no stinking parity. Memory these days is reliaxci;;df3*4(".
* Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster. (Nicklaus Wirth)
* The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. (B. F. Skinner)
* When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
* When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s obsolete.
* He who laughs last probably made a backup.
* Make sure a product runs on something other than the slide projector.
* A distributed system is a system in which you can't get your work done because a computer has failed that you've never even heard of.
* Even if the programmer knew what he was doing, programming would be difficult.
* The concept of "web of trust" : in God we trust, all others must submit a X.509 certificate.
* If you can't read this, then plug the computer back in.
* Software is what you delete. Hardware is what you kick.
* OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
* Only flawed software is more secure with a closed source policy.
* State-of-the-art: any computer you can't afford. Obsolete: any computer you own. Microsecond: the time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
* When all else fails, read the instructions.
* Intel giveth, and Microsoft taketh away (proverb of the microcomputer industry).
* If a software project is running late, it's better to take people off the project, than put more people on.
* Windows Error 01B Illegal error. Do not get this error.
* There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
* Never trust anything that can think for itself, if you can't see where it keeps its brain. (Harry Potter's Law).
*

To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
*

If you understand a project, you won't know its cost, and vice versa (Dilbert's Project Uncertainty Principle).

Responsibility

* The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
* Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
* Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
* No good deed goes unpunished.
* To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
* To err is human, to admit it is an act of bravery.
* Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
* An idea is not responsible for those who believe in it.
* You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
* It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission (Grace Hopper).
* Being right too soon is social unacceptable (R. A. Heinlein).
* If you take anybody else's advice but your own, you are probably nuts (Henry Ward Beecher).
* The best investment is an investment in yourself (Ward Melville).
* "I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong." (Bertrand Russell)
* When you are right be logical, when you are wrong be fuddle.
* Confidence is suspicion asleep.
* Never say that you are falling - until you hit the ground.
* Opinions expressed are mine alone and do not reflect those of my employer, my employer's clients, any other person, corporation, or government department. The facts however, speak for themselves.
* The worst thing about censorship is **************************
* I'm not speaking for the company <- They made me say that.
* The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.
* Sin in haste, repent at leisure.
* Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be prosecuted.
* For business purposes, I have to preserve the outward signs of sanity (Mark Twain).
* Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
* Disclaimer: I am in no way responsible for any of the statements made in this text.
* Stand for something or you will fall for anything !
* Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it (George Santayana).
* Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.
* The bigger you are, The harder you fall.
* How an attorney sleeps: first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
* The emperor has no clothes, but I don't want to be the one to tell him.
* Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.
* Anyone can make a decision given enough facts. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
* Never make a decision that you can get someone else to make.
* To err is human, to blame it on someone else is even more human.
* Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.
* The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.
* Not to choose is to choose (Talleyrand).
* Never let facts get in the way of a good story!
*

If you don't have a reason, at least have an excuse.
*

Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.

Freedom

* They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither safety nor liberty. (Benjamin Franklin)
* A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants. (Schopenhauer)
* Man, who thinks himself free, is a fly who imagines he has power to move the universe, while he is himself unknowingly carried along by it. (Holbach)
* Freedom is that instant between when someone tells you to do something and when you decide how to respond.
* When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. (Thomas Jefferson)
* There is no subjection so perfect as that which keeps the appearance of freedom. (Rousseau)
* You do not preserve freedom by destroying freedom.
* When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
*

Where freedom is outlaw, only outlaws have freedom.

Politics

* A president of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
* The authoritative definition of politics: "poly", meaning many, and "tics", meaning small blood-sucking parasites.
* If voting could change anything, it would be illegal (Noam Chomsky).
* Politicians and diapers have one thing in common : they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
* Deception is a state of mind, and the mind of the State.
* Don't jeopardize your valuable rights by trying to exercise them.
* Never believe in anything until it has been officially denied (Otto von Bismarck).
* The government denies any involvement in anything involving the government.
* WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
* A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves (Edward R. Murrow).
* Democracy is two wolves and a sheep deciding what's for dinner.
* No lying, cheating or stealing allowed - the Govt hates competition.
* When war is declared... truth is the first casualty.
* The eleventh commandment: "Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote."
* War is the health of the state.
* The great masses of people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one.
* The cheater's opinion: "it's good to make the rules, especially after the hand is dealt."
* Truth is justice in action (Disraeli). Justice is but truth in action (Joubert).
* Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
* Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. (P.J. O'Rourke)
* In God we trust, we watch all the others.
* Law only hurts law-abiding citizens.
* My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
* Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people. (Wilde)
* Nothing is permanent except death, taxes, and the lies of politicians.
* The state is the great fiction by which everybody seeks to live at the expense of everybody else. (Frederic Bastiat)
* They say that "the emperor wears no clothes", but why do they call that naked man "emperor" ?
* Imposition of order leads to escalation of chaos (Law of Eristic Escalation).
*

If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it (Government's view of the economy).
*

Please leave the State in the toilet where you found it.

Character

* If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
* I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
* As I said before, I never repeat myself.
* Me... a skeptic ? I trust you have proof.
* Forgetfullness is a sign of genius, but I forgot who said it.
* I hate these egoistic people, who don't think about me !
* I've always wanted to be somebody . . . I guess I wasn't specific enough.
* Violence has no place in our society. Anyone who preaches violence should be shot like a dog.
* Learn to be sincere, even if you have to fake it.
* I promise to remain rock solid in my commitment to flexibility.
* It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
* An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.
* Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
* Common sense is not so common.
* The three stages of being sick: ill, pill, bill.
* If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you - the next time he's in need.
* He who laughs last - probably didn't get the joke.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Whatever you wish for me, may you have twice as much.
* Don't swallow anything bigger than your head, it might be dangerous.
* The problem with a rat race is that you have to be a rat to win it.
* The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
* Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
* I'm not hard to please, I'm easily satisfied with the best (Oscar Wilde).
* A slave is one who waits for someone else to come and free him (Ezra Pound).
* It is not possible to awaken someone who is pretending to be asleep (Navajo proverb).
* I was wise once, when I was born I cried. (Welsh proverb)
* Everybody is somebody’s fool.
* I think I've forgotten this before.
* Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
* To be sane among crazy people is insane.
* It is difficult to be quiet if you have nothing to do. (Schopenhauer)
* Once bitten, twice shy.
* Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
* If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
* My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
* Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
* No need for hope to get started, nor for success to persevere.
* Where there is a will, there is a won't.
* Don't worry about what other people think of you - they're too busy worrying about what you think of them.
* Everybody is somebody's weirdo.
* The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
* No man ever had a point of pride that wasn't injurious to him.
* All men are born actors, except some actors.
* No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
* Nobody is perfect, especially the others.
* The real virtue fears no critique, and claims no privilege either.
*

Nice people expect most others to be nice, and mean people expect most others to be mean.

Paranoia

* Even paranoids have real enemies.
* No I'm not paranoid. You all think I'm paranoid, don't you ?
* Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
* Which one of my enemies told you I was paranoid ?
* There are no facts that cannot be explained by a conspiracy hypothesis.
*

Everybody is crazy... it just depends on what type of crazy you're looking for.
*

The only difference between a madman and me is that I am not a madman. (Salvador Dali)

Stupidity

* Never attribute to malice what can be accounted for by sheer stupidity.
* The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. Unfortunately, the observed level of Hydrogen appears to be diminishing.
* Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain (Schiller).
* Insanity is hereditary ; you get it from your children.
* Stupidity should be painful.
* Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation (the First Basic Law of Human Stupidity).
* "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
* The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell)
* A blunder a day keeps boredom away.
* There's a sucker born every minute. PT Barnum
* If God hadn't intended us to eat cows, He wouldn't have made them out of steak.
* 2+2=5, for sufficiently large values of "2".
* Stupid is as stupid does.
* To err is human -- to moo, bovine.
* He who writes for fools always finds a large public. (Schopenhauer)
* The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the Universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
* The missing link between apes and humans has been found: it's us. (Pierre Dac)
* Stupidity is no excuse for not thinking.
* I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
* Never argue with a fool - people might forget who's who.
* A fool and your money are soon partners.
* Ignorance is just a placeholder for knowledge.
* This mind left intentionally blank.
* Idiot looking for village.
* If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
* Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
* First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
* There is no "oops" button.
* You can't unring the bell.
* Sleep is irrelevant. Caffeine will be assimilated. Decaf is futile.
* To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost. (Flaubert)
* The more people who believe they can walk on water, the fewer the number of boats that will be needed or built.
* There's no time to stop for gas, we're already late.
* With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. (RFC1925)
* This is school, Mr Potter, not the real world. (Professor Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)
*

Make it idiot-proof and someone will just make a better idiot.

Time

* If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
* There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.
* One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.
* God put me on this planet to accomplish a certain number of tasks. As of today I am so far behind I will NEVER die.
* How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
* Time wounds all heels.
* The last 20% of a project requires 80% of the total time (80/20 rule).
* Men say that Time passes. Time says that men pass.
* In the long run..., we'll all be dead.
* Warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
* Procrastinate NOW!
* I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. (Douglas Adams)
* The more things change, the more they stay the same. And I would even say that the more it changes the more it's the same.
* Who controls the present, controls the past, and who controls the past, controls the future. George Orwell
* Don't be mad about growing old, some aren't that lucky.
* Just because it is inevitable, doesn't mean it's imminent.
*

Of course, I need it today! If I wanted it tomorrow, I'd order it tomorrow!

Money

* Don't bite the hand that has your pay check in it.
* There are three ways to become a millionaire these days : inherit it, earn it, sue.
* He who marries for money...better be nice to his wife.
* A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. (Senator Everett DIRKSEN)
* "Is there such a thing as shoppers anonymous?" (John F. Kennedy, on receiving a $40,000 bill for his wife's clothes)
* The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
* The client who pays the least complains the most.
* In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
* Lottery : a tax on people who are bad at math.
* The difference between lightning and electricity is that you don't have to pay for lightning.
* Due to budgetary constraints..., the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.
* The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
* The only sure things are death and taxes, and at least death isn't annual.
* Bad money drives out the good (Gresham's Law).
* The customer has a choice... as long as he chooses (Henry Ford).
* Never give money to a man, give him an advice (Paul Getty).
* This year I will live within my income, even if I had to borrow money for it (Mark Twain).
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* There is no rush like a gold rush, and no run like a bank run.
* "You'll only know it was a bubble if it bursts" (Alan Greenspan).
* Money can't buy love, but it does put one in a great position for negotiation.
* Short term gain, long term pain.
* He who sells what isn't his own, must buy it back or go to prison.
* Either we are in a recession or this is the worst non-recession ever.
* "Nihil tam munitum quod non expugnari pecunia possit." (no place is so strongly fortified that money could not capture it. Marcus Tullius Cicero)
* Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
* The market has anticipated 12 of the last 9 recessions (Paul Samuelson).
* The only time you like monopolies is when you own one.
* The Federal Reserve is not federal and has no reserves.
* Trial balances don't. Working capital doesn't. Liquidity tends to run out. Return on investments won't.
* The speed of which currency depreciates is in direct proportion to how often the word 'confidence' is used to support it. (Prof. C. Northcote Parkinson)
* The four most expensive words in the English language are: 'This time it's different.'
* The three iron rules for success in real estate: Location, location, and location.
* The three most important factors in investing: Diversification, diversification, and diversification.
* One of the oldest, most well known trading axioms: Buy the rumor, sell the news.
* I am rich with all things I can do without.
* Cash is fact, profit is opinion.
* The more of anything there is, the less they will be worth.
* In God we trust, all others pay cash.
* No one's credit is as good as one's money.

Women

* After winning an argument with his wife, the wisest thing a man can do is apologize.
* Marriage is like quicksand :if you never get into it, you never have to worry about getting out of it.
* Initially all men have equal rights to happiness ; afterwards, some of them get married... (Sacha Guitry).
* "Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one." (W.C. FIELDS)
* Wife who puts husband in doghouse, soon finds him in cathouse.
* The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.
* The one who snores will fall asleep first.
* Get married or don't get married you'll regret it... (Kierkegaard)
* Women have no sense of humour so they won't laugh while men are romancing them.

Problem solving

* Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
* I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
* It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make them simple.
* You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
* The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
* If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
* Nobody notices when things go right.
* Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
* Simple does not mean easy.
* If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
* When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer (provided, of course, that you know there is a problem).
* Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
* When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem you encounter resembles a nail.
* If it's stupid, and it works, it's not stupid.
* Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* The Prime Directive of System Design -- K.I.S.S -- : Keep It Simple, Stupid.
* It is a good rule not to put too much confidence in experimental results until they have been confirmed by theory.
* Things should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler (Albert Einstein).
* You cannot solve a problem with the tools which created it (Albert Einstein).
* We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them (Einstein).
* Nothing fails like success (John Humble).
* If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
* Nothing is more practical than a good theory (Albert Einstein).
* Of all 36 ways to get out of trouble, the best way is - leave.
* If at first you don't succeed - don't take up skydiving.
* I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. (Thomas Edison)
* Everything that can be invented, has been invented. (Charles Duell of the U.S. Office of Patents in 1899)
* Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.
* The longer a man is wrong, the surer he is that he's right.
* When the problem has been fixed, the bug does not work any longer.
* All truth passes through three stages: first it is ridiculed, then violently opposed and eventually, accepted as self-evident. (Schopenhauer)
* It is very difficult to fix a watch when the only tool you have is a hammer.
* Occam's Razor: "Keep things simple!"
* Many a false step is made by standing still.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, theory and practice are identical, but in practice, they are not.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
* If it says "one size fits all", then it doesn't fit anyone.
* If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
* When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
* Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse.
* The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
* You can't push on a rope.
* No real problem has a solution.
* Only errors exist. And one man's error is another man's data.
* Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. But you are never given enough time or money.
* Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue. (Churchill)
* A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
* If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man - he will find an easier way to do it.
* If you can't fix it, feature it.
* If at first you don't succeed, get someone else to do it.
* THEORY: you know it all, but nothing works. PRACTICE: all is working, but you don't know why. THEORY plus PRACTICE: nothing works and you don't know why.
* Do not hate your enemies, they teach you the best lessons.
* This isn't right. This isn't even wrong (thus speaks the quantum physicist).
* If you can't take the heat, get out of the cauldron.
* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
* Good judgement is the result of experience. Experience is the result of bad judgement.
* Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
* Never try not to think, it won't work.
* The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small.
* If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers.
* To succeed, planning alone is insufficient. One must improvise as well.

Consultants and Experts

* Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
* A consultant is someone who borrows your watch, then gives you the time.
* A consultant borrows your watch, tells you the time, then keeps the watch.
* An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
* To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
* Weather Forecasting in England : put your hand out of the window... If your hand stays dry, it's going to rain.
* When it comes to predictions, it is especially difficult when the future is involved.
* Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.
* The true expert may be recognized by his persisting disagreement with all ideas of all other experts in his field (an expert with whom I do not agree).
* Amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
* People just want from experts one number that tells them if they should be happy or sad.
* An expert is someone from a different place than you live.
* "I promise an answer within 1 hour, and the correct answer within a day!" (the one-minute expert).
* He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
* If I seem unduly clear to you, you must have misunderstood what I said (Alan Greenspan).
* Anyone who isn't confused, isn't well informed.
* Experts arose from their own urgent need to exist. (Andre Santini's Law, in French : "Les experts naquirent du grand besoin qu'ils avaient d'eux-mêmes.")
* I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!
* Only someone who understands something absolutely can explain it so no one else can understand it.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
* An expert is anyone from out of the town.
* Prediction is very hard, particularly when it's about the future.
* Guessing is a shocking habit, destructive to the logical faculty. (Sherlock Holmes)
* Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent. (Wittgenstein)
* Knowledge is just opinion you trust enough to act upon.
* If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done. (Peter Ustinov)
*

The probability of a new idea being correct is directly proportional to the number of PhDs saying it is not.

Click here to know the truth about Murphy Or here for a more complete list of Murphy's Laws Egalement une vision française des Lois de Murphy, d'après Christophe Courtois. If you like Maths, get a Random Mathematical Quotation.

Les 200 lois de Murphy applicables à l'armée.

Back to home page